Fit Chef

Dear Renee, I Kinda Hate You Too

2011-02-02T15:46:00.005-05:00

Obviously, it's been a while.

Since June 2010, I:

Worked endless hours in summer cooking camps
Got one kid started in high school and another in middle school
Survived a family vacation (which was nice, but still, it's family, so its' stressful...agreed?)
Started getting really, really busy at work
Lost my dad after a lifetime of smoking, inactivity, and poor eating habits
Hired two new employees, at my cooking school
Made it through the holidays, just barely

So yeah, I've been busy.

But after a fall of stress and anxiety and grief, I've found myself drowning in cupcakes and Oreos, salted caramel hot chocolates, bacon sandwiches, and any kind of snack food available at Arby's.

I've found myself rubbing my ever-expanding jelly-belly and patting it like I'm a goddamned Buddha, pound of my girth. Acting like fat doesn't matter to me anymore because Hey, it's who I am.

I'm 43, my dad died, I'm sad, and I don't know how to get out of it. I don't really want to be around people and I think my friends are tired of my moping. I like to work, and I like the people at work, but other than that, socializing has become painful and I have no interest in doing it.

So I'm going to try the working out thing...again.

Two years ago I felt great. In control. Like I was starting to look good and feel even better.

So if I can drag my fat ass off the couch again, I'll try a bit of exercise. No lofty marathon goals (been there, done that), no "work out every single day" commitments. Just me, trying to move. Did I mention the again part?

Which brings me to Renee. Who I hate. But not really.

Because today Renee posted a comment on my long silent blog, telling me how much she likes the Jillian Michaels work out too. And how it has helped her to shed numerous pounds.

And so I got off the couch.

And I worked out.

With weights.

My poison this time?

This.

The Firm's new Thin in 30.

There's a whole lot more of me to love than before (194 pounds thankyouverymuch), so I'm doubting the whole Thin in 30 thing, but maybe thinner in 30 could be more accurate

So Renee, if you're still out there, and if you ever want to come visit and leave me a comment or a bit of motivation, well, I'd love that.

Because you my new friend, got me moving today. And I thank you.

Uh, yeah, Jillian?

2010-06-02T12:25:00.002-04:00

I still hate you.

But today, not as much. :)

Because if working out with you this summer means that in the next month or so I'll be able to wear this, then I am all in.

Just found a new Lands End site, called Land's End Canvas, and man oh man, am I in love. The clothes are current with a more modern fit and style, and a little less, shall we say, middle-aged. But not too young either. And I love every piece of women's clothing I've seen, from dresses and skirts to cute little tops.

But guess what?

The biggest women's size? 14. And I am not.

Yet.

I Kind of Hate You Jillian Michaels

2010-06-01T14:30:00.003-04:00

Here's the deal: I'm fat (none of my clothes from last summer fit) and I'm staring to watch my diet and exercise.

This morning, exercising consisted of heading down to Cafe Nola with my dog and getting a big 'ole cappuccino, whole milk 'natch, and walking back home, where I started my day by pounding away on the laptop to get some work done.

Not exactly enough to get your heart moving, right?

So I decided to do this:

And it sucked.

The dvd is one of JM's focused on the cardio side of things. Cardio is not my favorite, but definitely a way to get moving. One thing is for sure here - when you do one of Michael's workouts, there's no chance for wussing out. Girlfriend makes you pound, and in a good way.

The dvd is broken into 9 segments: warm-up, 7 5-minute cardio sections, each progressively more difficult, and then finally the cool-down.

Since I'm just getting started, and because yes, I am a little wussy, I set myself with the challenge of completing the warm-up, 3 sections and the cool-down. Which I did. Kinda.

I got a bit tired on all of the burpees (suck) and jumping jacks (double suck) and may have half-assed it a bit here or there, but only because I thought I might die.

I've decided that I'm going to break it into weeks. This week, I'll go ahead and stick to the original plan, w-u, 3 segments, c-d, aiming to be stronger each time. Next week, I'll bump it to 4 segments, the next week 5, and so on.

And maybe, just maybe, I'll hate her a little bit less. Because deep-down, I really kinda like her. And her no bs approach. A lot.

Have You Ever Seen a Sausage Zumba?

2010-04-21T10:21:00.003-04:00

If you were peeking in the windows at Dance Works on Patrick St (above the pawn shop) this morning, you may have seen one. A sausage that is, shaking and baking its stuff to Latin music.

Ok, ok, the sausage is me.

It's been more than a decade since I've taken any kind of group fitness class. I used to looooove them. When I lived in NYC a lifetime ago, my sister-in-law Mo and I would book our space on the floor two days in advance for our favorite instructor Mark's class at Crunch on W. 83rd St. It was serious business taking a class in New York, and a total blast too. We would sweat, silently acknowledge our own greatness, then laugh and giggle with Mark after every class.

I was in great shape, fit but not ridiculous, and enjoyed every aspect of the experience, except for those advance reservations.

Fast forward 15 years and 50 pounds, and here I am.

When a friend suggested getting a group together to try Zumba, a Latin-inspired dance workout, I thought it might be just the thing for me. I've recently purchased a few new dance/workout dvds, trying to hearken back to my flexible dancey college days, and find something I enjoy.

I took my first class Monday, the second today. I really, really like it. The only problem is that I'm used to working out in my tv room. Alone. So it doesn't really matter what I wear. I tend to be a little warm once I get things going, so I'm not necessarily wearing tons of clothing. I like fitted workout tops especially, because I don't like t-shirts flapping around with my bat wings.

Did I mention that when you take Zumba at Dance Works (a ballroom dance studio) you get to watch yourself in full length mirrors? Which is awesome. Especially when your wubby (you may call it a baby belly, but hey, my youngest just turned 11, so I'm thinking this may be beyond the baby belly) sort of flops over the waistband of your very attractive capri (not a good cut on anyone) workout pants and your fishbelly white wubby starts bouncing around on its own.

Good times people, good times.

Not.

It wouldn't be so bad if it was just people I know. They know me, they know my job, they know my excuses. No, no. There's the dude. One guy. Trim. Seems to be in good shape. And he stands right in front of me. So all I can see is the fit, trim dude doing his thing while my wubby and other super-sized parts take on a rhythm all their own.

I think I may need new workout clothes.

Fit Chef? Think Fat Chef Instead

2010-04-13T13:10:00.003-04:00

It's been a long winter.

A long, snowy winter.

Full of warm, comfortable clothes.

And warm, gooey, delicious snow-day comfort foods.

And my pants don't fit.

Despite feeling that perhaps I had licked this chubby thing for good (see here), I have buried myself in an avalanche of doughnuts (homemade), brioche (homemade), mac & cheese (homemade) and food that as it passes my lips, I know, just know is not doing me a lick of good.

I can go days without vegetables. Green salad? The hell you say! Fruit? Only if it's fruit-flavored ice cream my friend. I have descended in food hell, and I kind of liked it.

I gave up exercising because it's too much effort. And with all that yummy food sitting like lead in my belly, it's been hard to get up and get moving again. I have an entire new wardrobe of stretchy pants (thanks to Costco & Target!) girding my loins now.

When you have lost a bit of weight and start feeling a little cocky, that's when you know that trouble is afoot. Because you know that you're not making the right choices. If you're really honest with yourself, you just know. And despite making these bad, bad choices, you're almost powerless to stop it.

Damn.

But this time, I will not be defeated.

No really, I won't.

Because I don't like living like this and using food as my excuse ("I cook for a living. How could I say no?"). I don't want to be the fat sister-in-law. Or the mom who can't keep up with her kids. Or the person who would rather sit on the couch than go for a walk on a gorgeous spring evening.

I'm pulling it together in my simple 3 step program:

Step #1: Sign up for a CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) program. Check. Summer Creek Farm is all set to provide me with tons of lovely little veggies all summer long.

Step #2: Give up fast food, because even though it's all kinds of wrong, it's fast and convenient. (Notice that I didn't mention the word tasty there). This one is a work in progress. Don't hate me - it's an ugly secret among a lot, but certainly not all, of the folks in the food biz. I learned that one from my chef at cooking school.

Step #3: Move my butt. Moving is mandatory if you still love to eat, which I do, this one is a given, so I bought some dance workout dvds. Want to see me shake my bon bon? Yeah, I don't either.

The Ugly Truth:
April 13, 2010
Weight: 189.5
Upper Chest: 38.5
Bust: 42 (yowsa!)
Midriff: 35.75
Waist: 38.75
Hips (don't lie): 43
Upper (thunder) Thigh: 25
Thigh: 22.75
Calf: 16
Bicep: 13

And no, I don't want to hear anyone chanting "tubby tubby two by four..." when I walk down the street. We all have our issues 'yo, and this is mine.

CVB = FAIL

2009-07-28T11:21:00.004-04:00

That's right, the queen of no willpower or motivation has failed again.

Yeah, like I didn't know THAT would happen.

No only am I getting my butt kicked by work this summer, but I let it influence how I exercise.

And eat.

And eat some more.

Darn.

My trip to New Orleans was capped by eating at fab restaurant after fab restaurant, with rabbit (sooooo good) deep-fried and not, fried crab, liver, sweetbreads, etc. etc. etc. I seriously have no idea how those people are not all 600 pounds.

I feel doughy. And soft. And lumpy. Yuk.

Plus, now I want to swing by Arbys and get a million different deep-fried lovelies. And eat them alone in my car. And this is during the height of the summer, with bathing suits, fresh fruits and veggies, and glorious other foods readily available.

Where does the motivation come from? How do you keep it? Is it general sadness that's attacking me, or am I feeling low precisely because I'm not exercising regularly?

Last summer was so fantastic, and I was sure I'd go back to that place this summer too. But I haven't, and I just don't know how to get there. I suppose it's something you have to pull from your gut. I try to remember how it felt, buying new clothes in a smaller size. Feeling good. Eating well. Maybe I'll be able to find it again, but I'm having doubts. **sigh**

Wow - This is Hard

2009-07-05T12:52:00.004-04:00

I haven't missed a day yet, and let me tell you, I. Am. Tired.

I'm really happy that I'm doing this and I do feel stronger, but I'm not only tired, I'm whiny.

Maybe it's that it has been so nice at night that we've been sleeping with the windows open and the bird start in really early.

Maybe it's that I'm working incredibly hard with the summer camps and have a lot on my plate right now.

Maybe it's that I'm remarkably stressed out with no relief in sight.

**sigh**

I do feel better. And a little stronger. And seriously? My arms and shoulder are starting to have, well, some definition. Cool. Right?

So I'll keep working on Jillian, and I will not give up this challenge or on trying to get my physical life under control. Because one of the only things worse than being whiny? Being fat and whiny.

Level 2: Wow-That was Hard

2009-07-03T09:24:00.005-04:00

Mary Beth and I have been rocking out the 30-Day Shred Challenge every day. Woo-freakin'-woo! Today, it was finally time to bump it up to Level 2. How did we know? It was getting a little too easy to chat while working out.

There's tons of twisting and jumping in this version, and we were both sweating like crazy in the first 6 minute segment. Plus, we couldn't really talk too much. So that's a good sign, right?

We also decided to take our measurements again (it's been a week, so it would be cool to see something reflected somewhere, especially so early in the game.)

Mary Beth? She lost (wait for it, wait for it...) 5.75 inches total so far. In a week. The big drop was her waist, which dropped an astonishing 2.25 inches! Me? I dropped 4.5 inches, which considering that I've got baking camp going on this week is pretty darn good.

Now, let's just keep in mind that measuring is subjective. I'm trying to measure at the exact same spot and pull the tape to the same level of tightness each time, but I'm just a girl, trying to measure, and lose a few pounds (bonus points if you got the Notting Hill reference there).

As for the new addition to our Wall of Shame? Heeeeeeeeeeeere's Karen!

Upper chest - 41
Bust - 46 1/2
Midriff - 40
Waist - 42
Upper Hip - 43
Hip - 44
Upper Thigh - 23
Thigh - 19
Calf - 13
Bicep - 12 1/2

Man, what I would give to have legs like those!!

Let's have a big hand for Karen, who's really putting it out there by giving us her numbers. That's personal motivation if nothing else, knowing it's out there. Plus, she started to Shred on Monday.

We'll keep you posted on motivation & measurements, plus, I think our buddy Laryssa may be joining us a few mornings a week to get her fitness on. We're trying to see how many people we can squeeze into the tv room before it bursts, so yeah, 3 may be tight, but we can do it!

Day 5: So Totally Done

2009-06-29T09:34:00.004-04:00

I really like getting up early and working out. This morning, we (MB &I) were hitting level 1 by 7:15. What I like is that we can talk (barely) through it. I suspect that we'll be trying out Level two before the end of the week.

One thing I've noted though, is that I'd like to work out a little longer. The 22 minute thing is great, but it does get a little repetitious doing the same thing day after day and yes, after only 5 days, I do feel stronger. And have a better attitude. Huh, who knew?

If I stick exclusively to the challenge, then I can't do anything but The Shred. I may modify to add in something else, but am going to get through the first few days of camp before I start changing things up. Plus, I really do want to see if you can really get results from working out 22 minutes a day, every day, for 30 days.

We'll see.

Day Four: Check

2009-06-28T08:58:00.004-04:00

Got up on time, despite going out for a fab dinner and wine pairings last night. Plugged in the dvd and waited for MB. And waited.

Curse you blackout curtains!

Got the call 15 minutes or so after we were to have started and Queen MB overslept.

No biggie (really!), as I just woke up JVB and had him workout with me.

Unfortunately, JVB doesn't like to listen to the verbal clues and commentary that Jillian provides, so we do the workout with just the music - no other audio. I find that disconcerting and messed up a couple of cues. I did discover that I tend to not watch what they're doing as much as listen. And I like the little motivational sayings. What can I say? I'm a sucker for getting pumped-up!

Regardless, I did it and I'll do it again tomorrow. I can't believe it, but I already feel stronger from Thursday when I started. Crazy, right? I'm going to try to go with 7 days on Level 1 then bump up to Level 2 (it's very twisty). No problem!

Don't forget, you can still join us if you like!

Day Three: I'm Crampin'

2009-06-27T22:24:00.004-04:00

Do you remember that old Verizon commercial (I'm talking mid-90's here) where they would show someone looking something up and getting to the wrong place? The one I'm thinking about had some skinny, nerdy guy mistakenly in a football huddle trying to stretch and saying "I'm crampin' ". Anyway, I totally remember it and it was hysterical to me.

Why the nostalgia? Because here, on day three of the 30-Day Shred Challenge, I'm crampin'. Yow-sa. Things are sore, but in the kinda good muscley-sore. I like it. A little bit.

Mary Beth showed up again, totally on time and ready to rock. After burning out my throat and guts with a caffeine over-dose, I was in no mood to bounce around like a fool, but since she was there, I totally did.

The best part so far is that MB does not know every word that Jillian says (" 'cause you're strong", "that is a false message of lethargy", and "you feel that little knot in there? That is fear leaving the body"), so she's not bitter. Yet.

MB's daughter, Ella (4) came in at the end of the workout and bounced with us in addition to lifting little one pounders (so cute). I actually jumped higher on the jump rope part because she had such good energy. Then, I took a 2 hour nap. So, yeah, I guess it's working. At least my mood has improved.

Now, with day four looming on the horizon, both JVB and MB want to workout tomorrow, so I may need to do a double, which I'm not actually looking forward to, but I think it may be the best way to keep everything moving. Does that negate the challenge though? Especially since I'm checking to see what the results are using just this dvd. Hmmmm.

BTW -I've got another participant for the Wall of Shame coming up: my friend Karen. She graciously shared her measurements today and is going to do the challenge in her own home, but not starting until Monday (6/29). I'll get her info up in the next day or two. She wasn't up for before photos, but I'll keep working on her. I'm so excited to have someone else in the mix! This is going to be really interesting to see how it all works out, don't you think?

And btw-don't be afraid to comment. If it doesn't work for you, let me know. We could all use the encouragement and hearing watch 'cha think about our efforts. So, y'know, yay you!

Let's Add to the Wall of Shame, Shall We?

2009-06-26T08:36:00.017-04:00

Day two of the 30-Day Shred challenge? No problem.

Of course, I probably shouldn't have eaten all of those chips and salsa last night. Or had those lemon drops. Or that margarita. Or that quesadilla. But hey - Rome wasn't built in a day, right?

A big part of working out for me is dragging those I love into the fray. And talking about it. And self-deprecating humor. Did I mention coercing those I love to work out with me? :)

So here's Mary Beth:

Can't you just see that post-workout glow??

Here's what I like about Mary Beth: She says she's going to work out, and she does. She shows up when she said she would and actually she worked out. She didn't complain. Or curse. But she did sweat, ahem, I mean glow. Then she said, "Well, I guess you should measure me." So I did:

Mary Beth's Numbers:

Upper Chest: 39"

Bust: 39 1/2"

Midriff: 33"

Waist: 34 1/2"

Upper Hip: 39 1/2"

Hip: 42 1/2"

Upper Thigh: 25 3/4"

Thigh: 21 1/2"

Calf: 14 3/4"

Bicep: 12"

AND, she said she's showing up tomorrow. I'm kinda excited about that.

Anyone else???

The Challenge: 30 Days of 30 Day Shred

2009-06-25T13:34:00.006-04:00

By this point you know that when I'm actually working out, I'm all about workout videos, ahem, I mean, dvds. So I was thinking, especially after just getting back from a half & half-laden vacation in Maine and two trips to a restaurant called DuckFat, that maybe I need, you know, a challenge. Last year, when I first started all of this working-out stuff in earnest, I had a dvd workout rotation calendar and followed it to a T. That's why I think everything worked-out (no pun intended) so well. Stick to the plan and it works, right?? Once the summer hit, JVB and I started integrating The 30-Day Shred by Jillian Michaels and it was great. 20 minutes (22 actually) and done.

This morning, as we loaded Jillian into the dvd player for the first time together since September, I started thinking. Can 20 minutes a day (for 30 days 'natch) really make you fit? Or at the very least, make you not as fat?

So here it is: I will do Jillian Michaels 30Day Shred every day for 30 days, starting today, and we'll see where we are on July 25. Sound reasonable? One small caveat, I may have to make this the 28-day shred, as I'm headed to New Orleans to speak at a conference and I'm not quite sure if I'll be able to make a dvd fit into the plans at the hotel (I'll do something else, like hit the treadmill if I can't figure it out).

Sound good?

For a little extra incentive, I thought that before and after photos would be suitably horrifying, along with, da da da daaaaaaa, the measurements (plus it would give us actual data so that when the comparison comes it's not just "Oh, she doesn't look as fat"):

Upper Chest: 39"

Bust: 39.5"

Midriff: 36"

Waist: 35.5"

Upper Hip: 40" (crap)

Hip: 42" (double crap)

Upper thigh: 24"

Mid-Thigh: 22"

Calf: 15.5"

Bicep (and oh, are they mighty): 12.5"

Really, we're gonna do this?? In for a penny, in for a pound I suppose...

Oh yeah, check out those spare tires. Niiiiiiiiiiiice. And you just gotta love the teeny tiny ponytail sprouting from my noggin. Sexxxx-ay baby. **shiver**

I'm also going to attempt to also follow a more sensible eating plan, but not freak out too much about that end of things. Please keep in mind, this is NOT a Biggest Loser-style self challenge. I'm not working out for hours everyday and severely restricting what I eat. I'm about to start summer cooking camp for heavens sake, so let's not go crazy here, 'k?

Anyone want to join me?

The Measurements

2009-06-03T15:43:00.004-04:00

I am seriously looking forward to the time when working out doesn't completely exhaust me, but energizes me instead. Y'know what I mean? The first week or two, you're so darn tired from getting up early and huffing and puffing and lifting, that you fall into bed before 9 every night. Yikes!

Since I've hit it three mornings in a row and am feeling all powerful, I'm brave enough to put up the measurements as of today, June 3, 2009:

Weight: 176 (after working out, sans clothing, no breakfast - gotta work the system when you can!)
Upper Chest: 37.5" (even)
Bust: 39.5" (+.75, and just proves that when I gain weight, I'm all boobs)
Midriff: 34.5 (-.25)
Upper Arm: 12.5" (even)
Waist: 35" (+1")
Upper Hip: 39.5" (even)
Lower Hip: 41.5" (-.25)
Upper Thigh: 23" (even)
Mid-Thigh: 21" (-.75)
Calf: 15" (-.25)

I'm taking all of these +/- .25" or .5" with a grain of salt as it really depends how tightly I'm pulling on the tape, right? Truth be told, I'd like to drop these measurements pretty seriously, as well as the lbs. First goal is 10 lbs. down by July 20-something (New Orleans) and hopefully another 10 (20 total) by September 13. A size 8 at Ann Taylor is the ultimate goal ('cause we all know that an Ann Taylor 8 is really a 10).

I may have to cut back on the brownie baking (getting ready to get started right no in fact :) to make this happen, eh? Nah - just little bites.

Does anyone else have a summer fitness goal in mind? Anyone looking for a workout partner for some fast walking/slow running? Maybe some step-ups etc. in the park? Anyone ready to really sweat some with me and push each other? We can even document our progress on the blog - don't be afraid, I promise this won't hurt a bit. You might even like it.

This Motivation Thing Seems to be Working...So Far.

2009-06-02T20:41:00.003-04:00

I think I'm getting back in the groove and seem to have given up my early morning trashy reality-tv watching. Finally.

As you know, I use dvds from The Firm (I've mentioned them before) and really like all of the options with weights and whatnot. I'm a member of their website and recently discovered the ability to generate a workout rotation calendar using their dvds. By inputting my level of expertise (I've gone back to beginner because I'm afraid of injuries right now and let's face it, I've been slacking a bit), my objectives (cardio/toning/or both), the dvds that I own, and the days I want to workout, their handy-dandy little program pulls together a schedule for me. Snazzy, eh?

I've also decided to supplement with those Jillian Michaels dvds I wrote about in early May. Today I finally completed the entire cardio one and let me tell you, that woman is a sadist. Pure and simple. Mountain climbers? Suck. Upper cuts with high knees? Really suck. Some weird planky thing with legs twisting and gut clenched? Super suck. But ultimately, pretty damn good. Of course, I am so tired that I believe I may fall over onto my laptop and lose consciousness any minute n..........................

I'm going for 6 days this week, which is probably too many, but I'm hoping to use it as a jumpstart. I'm hoping to drop 10 pounds in 7 weeks (176.5 today), before the trip to New Orleans, which by the way, I am seriously psyched about.

Here's the schedule for the week (next week, going for 5 days, and here's the key w=weights, c=cardio, ok?):
Monday: Hard Core Fusion (w&c-35 minutes) PLUS 2 hours or so of dog walking check
Tuesday: Rest Day, but I slid in the Jillian Banish Fat dvd (52 minutes of serious cardio sucking) check
Wednesday: Total Body Toner (w) check!
Thursday: Ultimate Calorie Blaster which is "steppy" (c)
Friday: rest day, but I'm planning on Jillian Michaels, either 30-Day Shred (w&c) or 4 circuits on the No More Trouble Zones (w)
Saturday: OFF (yard sale, b-day party at TKS, and movie night on the parking deck)
Sunday: rest day, but going for the 30-Day Shred with JVB

Next week, we'll start talking about food and new recipes. I'm getting ready to fire up the new grill (oh come to me sweet veggie bruschetta with grilled bread and goat cheese - double points if you know the goat:) I re-joined Weight Watchers online because I like to keep track of what I eat using their online tracker and am hoping to do it on my phone too. But I really haven't drunk the Kool-Aid on the program, which could be a problem, but I'm not about to start eating fat-free this and fake that. Ew. Yuk. Gross.

Thanks for listening, and sorry if the comments function, well, sucks (word of the day apparently). I'm trying to fix it, but just bear with me. Or, if you're some kind of mad, crazy blog guru, just let me know how to fix it. I'll bake you cookies. And they are most definitely NOT fat-free anything. ;)

REAL Motivation

2009-06-01T17:08:00.007-04:00

I'm a whiner. As in, a TOTAL whiner. "I just love food." "I don't have the time to exercise." "I LOVE butter." "It's my job to eat." Etc. etc. etc.

Here's the thing though: It's all bullshit.

My dad is 67 years-old and a mess. I mean, a serious, serious mess. A smoker for 40+ years. Overweight. Sedentary. As in never gets out of his damn chair. As in, had to get the special chair that raises you to a standing position because his damn spindly legs won't hold him up any more because he's so big and just sits there. Won't eat at the dinner table sits there. Diabetic. Pills, pills, pills. He gets up to go to the bathroom and falls. All. The. Time.

He fell twice in less than 72 hours. 911 had to be called twice to get him up. The second time? Six people had to come to help him. SIX hard-working EMTs and firemen had to go to my parent's house at 4am to get him up and to the hospital because he couldn't do it himself.

And I'm gonna bitch about how it's my job to eat? About how my hip hurts? About being too tired to exercise when I'm not too tired to get up at 6 am and watch bad reality tv from the night before? What a loser. What a stupid stupid fool. Because I see the future. And it sucks. Hard.

I can bitch and moan all I want. But if something doesn't happen, I'm going to be my father. And nothing scares me more than that.

I love to become one with the couch at night. Flip channels. Eat some cake or ice cream or cookies (I baked them of course, but still). Drink a smoothie or a cappuccino. But I'm 41, and I'm thinking that it's only going to get harder from here. Am I the only person who feels this way?

Damn.

Getting Your Butt Kicked - 6 Minutes at a Time

2009-05-06T15:00:00.003-04:00

I just added a few new workout dvds to my library: Jillian Michaels Banish Fat, Boost Metabolism & JM No More Trouble Zones. Bear in mind that they arrived two weeks ago and I just now had the guts to give one a try.

Here's how they work: Each work out has a 5-minute warm-up followed by 7 6-minute circuits and a 5-minute cool-down. As I'm recovering from yet another shoulder injury (yeow!), I thought I'd give the fat banishing one a try. Holy Shishkabob!

I decided at the beginning that I was going to do the warm-up and three circuits since I already had a 45-minute fast walk this morning and I'm afraid of hurting my shoulder more. THIS was a good decision. It's old-school Jillian with butt kicks, punches, high kicks, and all sorts of cardio stuff you really want nothing to do with. But, as always, it felt pretty darn good and she'll work you hard, even from the comfort of your own living room. The sweat starts flowing pretty early on, which I consider to be a good thing.

I've put on a few pounds and am weighing in at 175 on a good day, which seems to be inching slowly toward the bad old days, so I'm scared. Add to that watching The Biggest Loser last night and having JVB tell me that he loved how strong I looked when I was really working out last summer, I'm starting to feel it again. Plus, pool season is right around the corner and as pale as I am, I certainly can't be flabby too!

Tomorrow I'll give 3-circuits of the Trouble Zone dvd a try and let you know how those are. I'll plan to add circuits in as I'm feeling stronger and more powerful. But as that cursed tv trainer says, it doesn't come for free and if you want it to go away, you're really going to have to work it off. Damn.

Struggling with Motivation

2009-04-20T15:55:00.006-04:00

So, the past few weeks, I have been lazy lazy lazy. I wake up early each morning, don my workout outfit of choice, walk down to the tv room and... Sit on the couch and watch tv.

I sit there and bargain with myself. "Ok, if you start in 30 minutes, you'll have time to do the Firm" or "If you start in 5 minutes, you can squeeze in Jillian" or "You can just start stepping and that will work". But it's all lies. I did work out yesterday (Sunday) to a quick 25 minute Firm workout that focused on weights and wasn't super fast-paced and I felt like finally I had done something. Even though I wasn't sweating too much or out of breath, it was movement, but I still wasn't feeling it.

Motivation -- nonexistent. Until today.

I had a little time to kill on an off day from work. My buddy Michele and I decided to hit the mall for just a little bit. Time for new shoes? Darling. New undies? Fantastic. Then she dropped the bomb...

"Let's try on bathing suits!" I mean, seriously??? It's pouring. It's April. It's cold. And I am chunky AND pasty. Trying on bathing suits in July with good lighting, firm buns, and a few cocktails is STILL unpleasant, but today??? No freakin' way.

But then she tried some on and they looked, well, cute. On her. Sexy in an appropriate way. I gave in. Me? I looked like a flippin' fat porn star (hard to keep the girls under control) in an advertisement for cellulite creams, and I am definitely the before photo. Crap.

So after my fab, reasonable lunch at Lucky Corner (a fave!), I dragged my chubby, cellulite-ridden buns home and popped in the Jillian workout. And worked out. FOR REAL. With real sweat and everything.

It felt good.

I think I may have found my motivation again. I like to call it "summer". Because until they bring back those fab pants and sleeves suits from the turn of the last century, I gotta tone it, firm it, and suck it in.

Tomorrow? Heavy duty Firm workout -- 40 minutes. I'm ready.

Snazzy New Running Shoes -- You Mean I need to Use them?

2009-04-09T15:39:00.005-04:00

Dagnabit! Here I thought thought that by the mere purchase of the aforementioned snazzy shoes, fat would magically begin to melt off and sleek, trim muscle would appear in its place. But now I discover that I really need to use the darn things, and more than the mile I'm sucking wind through currently.

I have this love/hate relationship with running, with is very unlike my love/love relationship with cupcakes.

My brother is a runner. His wife is a runner. When motivated, my husband is a runner, along with his brother and his wife and my friend Stacey (traitor!) and, well, you get the picture. I want to be a runner. I want to wear cute little running shorts and rattle off that of course, I just finished 5 miles, but it was a short day, so what else could you expect. Except, I really hate running. It could be the boobs.

When I run, unless I'm strapped in with two pretty darn good sports bras and hopefully a compression top of some sort (where all the squished fat sorta sausages out the top and the bottom - good times people, good times), things are a little bouncy. As in, the distinct possibility of two black eyes bouncy. Even on the treadmill.

On Monday, I made the mistake of running on the treadmill next to the wall/mirror. I was groovin' (thanks Stace for the Eminem recommendation -- very motivating!) and pounding the treadmill, when I looked to my side. Wow -- I was bouncing in six directions at once! Head, boobs, gut, butt, it was ALL swingin' around, and in different rhythms, which sorta threw off my groove, and my good attitude.

I know that it's a catch 22 -- until you really work it, the pounds don't just melt off, but to melt the pounds (other than the cupcake issue), you need to work it so hard that things bounce.

I guess it comes down to what you hate more: Doing it, or bitching about doing it.

The measurments for April 6 are (and yes, I'm a few days late posting - tough noogies):

Weight: 173.5 (+1.5)
Upper Chest: 37.5 (+.5)
Bust: 38.75 (-1)
Midriff: 34.75 (-.25)
Upper Arm: 12.5 (even)
Waist: 34 (-1)
Upper Hip: 39.5 (even)
Lower Hip: 41.75 (+.75)
Upper Thigh: 23 (-.5)
Mid-Thigh: 21.75 (+.75)
Calves, and they are mighty: 15.25 (+.25)

I've been hitting the armory two or three times a week but have totally slacked in the weight-lifting department (hence the inches adding up). Tomorrow, my Good Friday penance will be a weight workout in the am to get myself moving again in that direction. I doubt that I'll run too much this weekend, mostly because of rain blah blah blah. I'm almost out of gym visits on my punch card, so I'm going to have to figure something new out, and fast. I'm looking for the same spirit I had last spring when I was motivated with a capital M, because the VB contest totally isn't working for me, and neither is anything else.

Find it from within grasshopper. Find it from within

Can the Wii Fit Actually Make you, well, Fit?

2009-03-29T19:57:00.004-04:00

That's the $24,000 question today. I lucked into a Wii Fit this morning at Targhetto, using my Amex rebate to fund the purchase (tmi?), and dragged it home to my unsuspecting family.

Now, I've never been on a Wii Fit before. I'm pretty sure both the kids have tried it briefly at friend's homes, but this was the very first time that JVB and I got to check out the fancy balance board ourselves.

For those unfamiliar (and I'm sure most of you have seen or tried or heard all about it, but just in case...), it's a snazzy flat board around 2' w by 1' deep that connects through some sort of magic to the Wii. You enter your age and the board responds by testing your weight (173.9), balance, and a whole bunch of other stuff. THEN, it gives you your BMI (body mass index)(27.something - cvb is officially overweight - duh) and then your "Wii age" which you're hoping comes in around your real age or a little younger. Mine? 47 (6 years older than the real me, not mii). The bonus? It calculates what your body looks like and either fattens or thins out your Mii. Guess which way mine went? Darn. Plus, my Mii keep turning around to look at her large backside. Good times people, good times.

The Wii Fit challenges you with balance, yoga, strength, and aerobic activities. I like the hula hoops the best (308 and 4 stars!). Your overall time is tracked and there's a chart for your ups and downs.

I got a little winded when I was really going turn after turn after turn on the hula hoops and some running activity, but nothing I couldn't handle and even enjoy a bit. What I wonder is this -- How fit can you really get from the Wii Fit? Does it work best for the chubby? Obviously, if you're in great shape, this probably isn't the exercise program for you, but for me? Well, maybe.

I'm going to try to add the Wii Fit to my workout schedule (hahahahahahahahaha) for the next week to see what I think and how it goes. At the very least, the tracking seems cool and I can shimmy my hula hoop-lovin' hips like I was born to do it.

Are you using the Wii Fit as part of a workout routine? Is it working? Boring? Speak to me!

The Contest

2009-03-25T16:16:00.007-04:00

So, apparently the VB family, at least those of us that are on the chubbier-side (sorry guys!), thrives on competition. Thus, The VB Weight Loss Challenge.

Now, the VBWLC has been going on (and off) since January 1, 2008, basically broken into quarters, with each person chipping in either cold, hard cash or slave labor to the winner (the VBs are also big on slave labor). My track record thus far:

Jan. 1, 2008 to April 15, 2008 -- Lost 2 pounds, and I'm sure it was water weight because I gave up the first week in
April 15 - June 15, 2008 - Didn't participate, but would have won because I got inspired and started working out (doesn't count at all, just mentioning so that you know I really did something there)
June 15 - September something or other, totally participated and totally won $140, which I used to buy The Wave (http://www.firmdirect.com/firm/ecs/main/index.html)
No Contest during 4Q 2008 so that everyone could stuff themselves
January 1 to present (contest ends April 11): Gained two pounds. Darn.

So essentially, I'm going to have to lose a limb, and a big one, at this point to have a chance. I'm fighting to get back down to where I was on January 1 (172) so that I don't owe extra cash or anything, then get my cash ready to send off to the lucky winner, because I do NOT bet slave labor thankyouverymuch.

I hit the armory this morning and ran (a mile this time!), walked a bit and also hit the elliptical for a total of 40 minutes. My new workout bud Geni is now in the process of laying out a whole plan for us, which includes MWF at 6 am. Did I mention that Geni has a totally rockin' bod already and is itty-bitty? And that I could do nothing but workout and eat bean sprouts and will never be itty-bitty? Or tan (a different issue, but I'm on a roll here)? Crap.

Eating Like It's My Job

2009-03-23T15:08:00.004-04:00

So, when you own a cooking school, you eat. A lot. All the time. You're tasting this and tasting that. Trying new recipes to see if they'll work. Enjoying the fruits of your student's (or staff's) labor.

Me? I am out of control. Officially.

Got up this morning, feeling fresh as a little daisy. Slid on my workout clothes (which would be cuter if I didn't have a little extra poundage hangin' around) and bopped down to the tv room to load in today's dvd of choice -- The Wave - Rock It Off (also known as "owww, I can't move my quads for 3 days). I like the Wave. I like that the workout is around 30 minutes. These make it doable. But then, as I flick on the tv I think, hey, I'll just check to see what recorded yesterday and lo and behold, Bret Michaels and all of his skanky skanks are waiting for me. Damn. I have a serious trashy tv problem. So working out this morning didn't quite happen. That's ok -- I"ll do it later.

Anyway...

I knew it would be a short day at work, but once I got there, I was feeling, well, cupcakey. So I whipped some up. And ate 4 of them. WITHOUT frosting (does that count??). While they were still really, really warm. Mmmmmmmmm.

Then, as luck would have it, I met a friend for an unexpected lunch -- fish tacos, which are also pretty darn tasty. And got home. With a chocolate bar. And some Thin Mints. With my butt on the couch and my feet on the Wave. Damn, damn, damn.

I like working out. When I'm in my groove, I may even love working out. But right now? So NOT in the groove. SO into food. Bad food. Really bad food, and lots of hit. So here's the question: When your life is focused on food, how do you find your motivation and keep it? My size 12's (vs.. last year's 16's) should serve as inspiration, but they're kinda not. Y'know what I mean?

I Forgot: Running Sucks

2009-03-19T19:46:00.005-04:00

That's right -- I laced up my sneaks and hit the track tonight, new workout mix ready to go (I'll post it later -- you'll love it!), stylish blue warm-up jacket, can-do attitude at the ready. I'm thinking of running the Philadelphia distance run (13.1 miles) in September, so I better actually start running, and soon. Besides, running really is the best way to lose weight and I've run the Anchorage 1/2 Marathon, Philly Distance Race, and Marine Corp Marathon before, albeit very, very slowly.

Kanye kicked it off, and the little kiddies on the track team were doing their thing. I felt goooooooood. Nice pace (for me), not too out of breath, feeling strong. One lap down (1/4 mile). Feeling good, 2nd lap halfway done, then, wait a minute...I can't breathe! Don't panic CVB, just pace it out and relax (but I can't BREATHE!). Hey, did that kid just lap me?? That's ok, Paramore will get me through. Holy S#@t - they will NOT get me through because I. CAN'T. BREATHE! Mind over matter sister; suck it up! Ok, breathing is all in my head, but now I've got a side stitch!. Mother #$%@#* -- running sucks.

So, the tally: Miles run - .5, Miles walked - 1.5, total miles - 2, but pretty much sucked at it. This has to get easier, right?

BTW - I STILL can't breathe. Tomorrow, I'm lifting weights. Screw this running crap.

My Gift to You: Super Awesome Workout Mix

2009-03-11T20:39:00.007-04:00

One of the great cruel ironies of finally getting your workout groove back (almost), is that the more you exercise, the more you want to eat. Dang. So, I'm working through that (and the Ring Dings) and just pushing to be sure I get some form of exercise 5 days a week -- that's the goal. Strength 2 or 3 days, aerobic 2 or 3 days.

So I hit the elliptical at the armory early this morning, nailing 3 miles in 28 minutes. I'm going for 10 minute miles, so I beat that and felt pretty good. What rocked me through are not all of the tvs on the wall with their blather, but my super awesome ipod mix. It's so super awesome in fact, that I thought I'd share. I've got it paced for a slower yet perky start, then really hitting it hard in the middle, and a medium pace to finish. Here 'ya go, and yes, you're welcome:

Sexyback - Timberlake (the dirty version -- I always go with the dirty version, given the option)
Disturbia - Rihanna
Piece of Me - Britney Spears
I Kissed a Girl - Katy Perry
When I Grow Up - Pussycat Dolls (great for intervals during the chorus)
I Don't Care - Fall Out Boy
Paralyzer - Finger Eleven
This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arms Race - Fall Out Boy
U + UR Hand - Pink
Dance, Dance - Fall Out Boy (I'm sensing a theme here...)
Suddenly I See - KT Tunstall
The Way You Move - Outcast

I'm trying add some new stuff to keep it fresh, but I haven't been catching my MTV lately (tee hee). Any recommendations?

What I'm Up Against

2009-03-08T19:33:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, I was called a cupcake "genius". Genius! My newest invention: the Thin Mint Cupcake. Here it is:

Start with a Thin Mint on the bottom of the cupcake, then add in chocolate cupcake batter (I love a recipe from last May's Food & Wine by Grace Parisi) and bake as directed. Make buttercream (I like 2 sticks of unsalted butter, 4 cups confectioner's sugar (beaten together), then 1/4 c. heavy cream and a good pinch of salt. Beat until really fluffy, about 5 minutes on high. Take half out of the bowl and stir in 1/2 to 1 t. of vanilla. In the other bowl, add 1/2 to 1 t. peppermint extract and a bit of green food coloring. Beat well. Take a large pastry bag and fit it with a large star tip. Place the vanilla buttercream in one side of the bag, the mint on the other side. Use this to frost the cupcakes (it looks really cool too). Top with another Thin Mint and, ta dahhhhhh!

This is a typical day at work. How do you fight that??

Does Wearing Sweat Pants Count as Working Out?

2009-03-05T11:56:00.002-05:00

I am seriously hoping so, because I have, yet again, been unmotivated. Now, I did workout this morning, but not the way that I'm kinda, y'know, craving. I jumped on the Wave and lifted and squatted and sweated a bit, so that was good. But I didn't feel that connection that I feel sometimes when I work out. The rush. The "damn my ass is high and my legs are tight even though I'm still a big girl I feel gooooood" feeling. I haven't had that one in a while. And I really, really want it. So I did what any girl would do in that situation.

I went to Target.

I got some super-cute new workout clothes with some money I've been saving since Christmas. I will look snazzy. And flashy. And hopefully high-butted. As soon as I'm not mortified by my pasty winter flabbiness, I'll show you some snaps. Right now I might break the camera, or my ego, though I'm not sure which would be worse.

I still need to grab some snazzy new cross-trainers, but Sports Authority was a bust. Any suggestions?

This could be a problem...

2009-03-04T16:07:00.003-05:00

So...I'm all excited about my new blog and am PUMPED UP to really work out and get some more fab results, right? Sure. As long as it doesn't mess with my Real Housewives of NYC I suppose.

Yesterday, after my first post, I did indeed hit the Transfirmer, the muscley one, not the cardio one. After 39 minutes of lifting weights, huffing and mother freakin' puffing up the 14" step (which is really, really high), and stepping and stretching, I was ready to get up this morning and hit Jillian for a cardio/light weight muscley thing. But son of a gun, I didn't quite catch all of the RHoNYC last night, so I watched it this morning. When I should have been sweating. And panting. And cursing. And then, it was off to work, no workout in sight.

Thus, no working out today (because my hair actually looks cute and if I work out, it will get all sweaty and I'll have to shower again). I hit it on Monday and Tuesday, so Wednesday is my off day this week. I'm gearing up for Thursday and am thinking of hitting either the muscley Wave dvd or one of the longer pink dvds. Regardless, I promise to sweat and swear BEFORE I get the kids up to go to school. Cross my heart. Hope to die. Paste a cupcake to my thighs...

Diet-wise, and this will NEVER be a bite-by-bite listing of my food for the day (how tortuously boring), I did hit one of my fave restaurants downtown for a 3-course lunch (delicious and not heavy at all), but kept is easy thus far for everything else. Here's a note though, you may want to avoid Fiber-One bars if you're planning on being around, y'know, people. IF you catch my drift. :) And get rid of the Ring Dings. I mean for real; am I trying to blow this?

See 'ya Fatso!

2009-03-03T13:12:00.009-05:00

So here's the 411 - I am a cook. Not rock-star Michelin-star quality, but decent. I own a little recreational cooking school and in addition to teaching cooking, I also cook for a few private clients and make an absolutely world-rockin' chocolate chip cookie, which is not as pedestrian as it sounds.

You would guess that I really, really love to eat. Hello? I'm in the food business, right? LOVE it. LIVE for it. THINK about it. All. the. time. My love for all things food-related has led to an expanded waistline and dare I say it, shelf butt.

I work a lot and am in no financial position to hire a 1. trainer, 2. cook (duh), 3. or join a gym.

So here's the deal: Over the past 10 months, I have been working at not being such a chunky-monkey. See, I've gotten, shall we say, plump. Big. Fat. Not quite 8 chins falling on top of each other fat, but size 16/18 pants a little too tight can't ever find anything to wear fat. Not cute.

Darn.

But then, last May, I started working out at home. Just a little something something to be motivated myself and not be, well, fat. I want to feel good. I want to look good. I want to wear a single digit size. I want my husband to look at me and drool just a little bit.

I've had some great results so far. So good in fact, that I've had lots of people ask me what I'm doing. I'm still not thin, but I have lost 17 pounds. And more than 35 inches (I measure 10 different places on my body). That doesn't suck, does it? I have slacked off since the late fall, but I haven't put any weight back on, just loosened up a little of the firmness I earned last summer/early fall.

So here's what I'm doing: I'm starting this blog to keep track of my efforts. To weigh in, measure in, and hold myself accountable to, well, myself. I like it already! I'm going to put in the weight, the measurements, and the workouts and keep track of it all here. You can follow along at home, laugh at my feeble attempts at fitness, but just don't be mean about it, 'kay?

So here are the numbers, just for comparison's sake (and I'm right around 5'6 1/2"):

May 1, 2008

Weight: 189

Upper Chest: 43"

Bust: 44"

Midriff: 39"

Upper Arm: 13.25"

Waist: 38.5"

Upper Hip: 43.5"

Lower Hip: 44.5"

Upper Thigh: 25.5" (thanks Mom!)

Mid-Thigh: 23.75"

Calf: 16.5"

Dress Size: 16 (I refused to buy an 18...ever)

March 1, 2009

Weight: 172

UC: 37" (-6)

B: 39.25 (-4.75)

M: 35 (-4)

UA: 12.5 (-.75)

W: 35 (-3.5)

UH: 40 (-3.5)

LH: 41 (-3.5)

UT: 23.5 (-2)

MT: 21 (-2.75)

C: 15 (-1.5)

Dress Size: 12

I use workouts from two different places: The Firm series (www.firmdirect.com), including the "pink tapes" (no equipment except for hand-weights), a few from the Transfirmer series (these will kick your ass AND lift it), the new Wave (which costs around 100 bucks, but I got a special deal and spent around $75 back in October), and Jillian Michaels 30-Day Shred (here it is on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Jillian-Michaels-30-Day-Shred/dp/B00127RAJY/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1236105994&sr=8-1) which is under $10 now.

One little note: I did get my husband to workout with me in our tiny tv room to the Jillian Michaels dvd, and if you can only afford to buy one thing here, this is the one. It's 20 minutes long and will leave you crying for your mommy. Even if you're a big, strong dude. Five of my friends have bought it (and used it?) so far and I think they're seeing results. It's not dance-y at all and is a serious workout for such a short time.

When the spirit moves me, I go to the Armory, which is the city-run fitness center, and hit the elliptical for half an hour or so using my totally under-aged and inappropriate for a 40+ mom ipod jams (featuring Britney, the Pussycat Dolls, Fall Out Boy, etc.) I don't belong, but you can buy a 10-visit pass for about $3/visit. Truthfully, I don't head over there that often (maybe once or twice a month) because I'd rather be outside or stay in my own house.

Running hurts my knees, though I am hoping that if I drop some extra tons, that will become easier. I love a hard workout and despite my efforts at inner peace and well-being, find yoga a little too foofy. I like loud music and to pound. And sweat. And get a little stinky. :)

I belong to Weight Watchers online, but haven't really been following it (I did in fact eat 5 cupcakes in one afternoon last week, because they were delicious). I just use it to guilt myself. More pressure...woo hoo!

I hate fat-free anything and think that diet food seriously sucks. I would never buy a Weight Watchers food product because they're too artificial (and this from the chick who can knock back Ring Dings ad nauseum). Going out to dinner at a great restaurant is one of my true joys, so you can guess that this ain't gonna be easy.

That's enough for today. Now I need to go workout. Today? One of the Transfirmer workouts. That should kick my ass.